I think a friend is trying to hook up with me, but I'm not interested. How can I let her down easy?

Girl Next Door answers

Don't make it about letting her down easy as much as helping her save face. Start by pulling back. It's possible that a few unreturned phone calls or a moratorium on bear hugs is all it'll take to show her you don't share her feelings. But it's also possible she'll think you're clueless and decide to make her intentions more obvious. That's when you tell her she's great/funny/sexy as hell but you just don't feel a sexual spark. Focusing on the lack of chemistry will make it easier for her to accept the news. And if she starts to laugh and says you completely misread her, then laugh, too. Allow her to keep her dignity.

Public marriage proposals: Yes or no?

Girl Next Door answers

The mere thought makes me want to breathe into a paper bag, but I do have a friend who secretly dreams about a Knicks-game halftime proposal. So I'll concede a reluctant yes, but only under three conditions. First, that the two of you have talked about marriage already. Second, that you know with 100 percent certainty she'll say yes. Third, that you've checked with her best friend to confirm that a public display of humiliation (er, adoration) is something she'd love.

I don't love giving oral sex, but she says it's the key to her pleasure. Any tips?

Girl Next Door answers

Be more creative. Lapping away for 30 minutes might eventually bring her to climax, but she's looking for an artist, not a laborer. Trust me -- the more she enjoys it, the more you will. Plus, the fact that she's better lubricated and has heightened sensitivity will make postorgasm sex more intense. So experiment with tongue strokes (soft and wide, rather than firm and pointy), target zones (feather her clitoris, but don't ignore other hot spots), and speeds (faster is not always better). Encourage her to guide you. If you tweak your technique and your heart still isn't in it -- despite her body-bucking explosions -- you two might be sexually incompatible. They're rare, but some women can't stand oral sex. Maybe you'd be better off with one of them.

I'm opposed to abortion. How soon should I tell the woman I'm dating?

Girl Next Door answers

Before you sleep with her -- or even sooner, if it's an issue fundamental to your beliefs. If she is pro-choice, frame it as a personal issue rather than a political one. Remember, "pro-choice" doesn't necessarily mean "pro-abortion." It won't be an easy conversation, but avoiding absolutes like "wrong" or "oppose" will help. Instead, say that if you were ever to conceive a child together, you'd prefer that she give birth so the two of you could either raise the baby together or choose an adoptive family. This way you come across as thoughtful and responsible, rather than dogmatic and close-minded.

My wife wants me to set up her sister with my best buddy. I know he's not interested. What should I say?

Girl Next Door answers

Tell her to forget it, but don't make it about her sister not measuring up to your pal's standards. Your argument should be that if something goes wrong, you're in the awkward position of having to take sides. No one wins there. If your wife persists, say your friend isn't looking for anything serious, and that you don't want her sister ending up hurt. Then ask her kindly to drop it.

She's a bad dancer. Will she be equally lousy in bed

Girl Next Door answers

I hope not! This rhythmically challenged woman likes to think it's all about the context and not some primal hip-swaying gene that you either have or you don't. Maybe she's not much of an exhibitionist in front of the judgmental eyes of strangers, but she might bust all kinds of moves in the privacy (and darkness) of the bedroom. Or maybe music just doesn't rev her up as much as, say, your tongue would if it were tangoing around her nipples. Whatever the reality may be, one thing is certain: If you want to have sex tonight, skip the club. No need for reminders of her body hang-ups just before the clothes come off.

It's my girlfriend's birthday soon. What's a great present that won't break the bank?

Girl Next Door answers

The key is planning so your gift reflects maximum thought and allows for greatest creativity. I have a friend whose boyfriend built her a jewelry box from scratch and painted it her favorite color. Another friend's guy bought her 14 trinkets from the dollar store and wrote poems about their relationship on each of them. Neither of those presents cost more than 50 (or . . . 14) bucks total, but both women are still raving about them. Pair your own thoughtful gift with a full day of pampering (think breakfast in bed, a loving card, foot rubs, and flowers), and money won't matter.

My fiancee wants a dog, but she often works late and I suspect I'd be the one taking care of it. Help!

My fiancee wants a dog, but she often works late and I suspect I'd be the one taking care of it. Help!

A.J., Boulder, CO

Girl Next Door answers

Tell her why you're worried. Then ask if she'd consider a weeklong pet-sitting trial before making any big decision. If she agrees, negotiate who'll take care of accident cleanup, evening walk duties, feedings, and the early a.m. walks. If you two end up fighting about who's doing what to take care of this practice pooch, it'd be fair to suggest a lower-maintenance critter of the feline (or piscine) variety.